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Designing Your Heart's Desire: The Releasing Strategy

Copyright © by Sharon Marshall Cameron
All Rights Reserved

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Chapter 4

Releasing Your Parents

If you come to us as a client in our private practice, one of the first things we will go after at the inner mind level is the total percentage of positive and negative feelings you have about your mother, your father, and your parents' relationship as you have perceived it. We call this type of information the Mindmap™.

Many times the percentages we get are surprising to you. Remember, these measurements are not from your conscious mind. You might have 65% positive feelings about your mother, and 85% negative on her. The two figures are totally distinct.

We define them this way. On the positive scale, l00 is unconditional love, and 0 is indifference. On the negative scale, 100 is "cut them up and feed them to the sharks" or as bad as you can feel about anyone, and 0 again is indifference. The numbers in between give the spread of emotion.

I want to focus first on parents since feelings about them form the foundation of our beliefs in the inner mind. You were busily making judgments about them from day one, and your life is predicated on these beliefs, for good or ill. Your parents are at the very least the biological roots you have come from and if, as people, they are not okay, where does that leave you?

A simple and direct way to find out what is affecting you from your life with your parents is to ask yourself, "What was wrong with my mother, my father, or their relationship?" Write these negative opinions down, and then, go through them and release them one after the other. Try these examples:

Releasing On Mother

I release my belief, perception, and judgment that …

…my mother didn't love me as much as _______________.

…my mother didn't want me to be born.

… my mother wasn't always there for me when I was growing up.

… my mother wasn't nurturing enough to me when I was growing up.

… my mother ever thought I wasn't good enough.

… my mother thought I was ugly.

… my mother thought I was stupid.

… my mother thought I didn't matter.

I release all fear that …

… my mother didn't love me.

(Look to your mind's history to fill in on your individual Releases.) And finally:

I release my belief, perception, and judgment that …

… my mother should have been any different than she was.

… my mother could have been different than she was.

… my mother should be any different than she is now.

The more you are certain that the negative judgment is true, she did hate you, was cruel to you, didn't care about you, the more important it is to release that belief. Remember, it is just that, a belief. You have no way to go back in time and get into your mother's or anyone else's head. You have no way to know the pressures or programming she was responding to from her own individual perceptions of her childhood or life. You were making these judgments always from a very limited subjective perspective.

The bottom line, I must admit, is simply forgiveness. We must forgive ourselves and everyone else that means or meant anything to us to the point where there is no longer anything to forgive if we are ever to have peace. It is as simple as that. As A Course In Miracles puts it, "Would you rather be right, or happy?"

Releasing On Father

I release my belief, perception, and judgment that …

… my father loved __________ more than he loved me.

… my father didn't really want me to be born.

… my father didn't care about me.

… my father wasn't nurturing enough to me.

I release all need or desire to …

… punish my father for his shortcomings.

I release all fear …

my father didn't really love me.

… of my father.

I release my belief, perception, and judgment that …

… my father meant to be so critical.

… I should be critical because my father was critical.

… my father shouldn't have been so fearful or weak.

… my father should have been any different than he was.

… my father wasn't the "perfect" father for me.

Remember it is most important to get rid of these negative perceptions especially if they were true! It is not for your parent that you need to do this. It is the only way you can be free of that negative reality and be free to create a happy one now.

In the premier of the TV show Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, the advanced noncorporeal aliens striving to understand human consciousness, ask the captain, "Why do you choose to live here?" referring to his constant reliving of his horrible memory of his wife's violent death. So, I will ask the same. Why would you choose to keep negative judgments about your history? Why would you choose to live there?

I release all unwillingness …

… to let go of my negative feelings about my father.

I release all fear …

… of loving my father just the way he was or is now.

… my father doesn't love me.

Releasing Their Relationship

Your parents' relationship gives you your first, often only, and certainly the most important experiential instruction in how to create a mate relationship. Since all of us were born of parents, whether those parents stayed around or not, you have made major judgments on relationships from their example or lack of example. You have had some model of parents in your life. You have in your inner mind a pattern of judgment on that first relationship whether or not you consciously remember your parents at all. The point is that it doesn't matter what the "facts" were, it matters what was judged by you to be the facts. Use TheReleasing Strategy to help you create their relationship the way it should have been.

I release my belief, perception, and judgment that

… my parents' relationship was never a happy one.

… my parents should never have gotten together.

… my parents didn't love each other in their own way.

… my father ever meant to hurt my mother.

… my father beat my mother.

… my mother ever meant to hurt my father.

… my mother emasculated my father.

… I have to have a relationship like any negative parts of my parents' relationship.

… my father betrayed my mother.

… my mother betrayed my father.

… I would have made a better mate for my father/mother than my mother/father.

… my parents should have given me a better example of a mate relationship.

I release all unwillingness …

… to accept my parents' relationship just the way it was.

… to forgive my parents their relationship.

I release all fear that…

… I have to have an unhappy mate relationship because of my parents' relationship.

I release my belief, perception, and judgment that

… my parents' relationship wasn't perfect for them.

… my parent's relationship should have been what I would choose for myself now.

After Releasing the negative judgments about your biological parents, you must do the same for all the parental figures you have had in your life. If you had a stepparent, or other parental substitute who was instrumental in raising you, you must clean up those judgments. Also, release on any stepparental relationships as you perceived them.

These Releasing Processes on parents, parental figures, and their relationships are the most important cleansing processes you can ever do for your peace of mind, and to create a happy life for yourself now and in the future.

Chapters V-XVII are not available on-line but are part of the book which can be ordered here:
Designing Your Heart's Desire: The Releasing Strategy for Personal Power and Peace of Mind
By Sharon Marshall Cameron
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